Wrapping up 2024: A Look Back and a Warm Welcome to the New Year.

As I look back and reflect on the past year I want to take a moment before turning the final page of 2024. I had some high notes this year but also some hard hits. This was not the year to celebrate my successes, but rather to appreciate and learn from my failures. Sometimes things don’t work out for a reason and it’s hard to see through the clouds of uncertainty when you are in the middle of the madness.

I had big dreams for 2024. I was finally putting down deep roots in the community within my friendships and my business relationships. I was thriving at my job as a marketing manager and I was excited about the new relationship in my life. A man I was looking forward to spending countless hours at the beach with while building a life together with our sweet pups. I was making big plans for my future.

Unfortunately, my relationship came to an abrupt end just as summer was beginning to unfold. Plans were cancelled and my dream of spending my summer relaxing on the beach and exploring North Carolina with my boyfriend came to a sudden halt. I was hurt, confused and feeling very alone and isolated in my pain. I buried myself in my work, pushing myself to learn and grow and be the best at what I did. Unfortunately, that too ended, which was a big shock to my psych and nervous system. I needed a moment to take a breath.

My life changed in two instances within a month of each other. I had to find a way to put the pieces back together. I felt broken, I felt unseen, I felt unworthy, I felt ashamed, I felt rejected, I felt unloved, I felt replaceable and I felt I couldn’t trust again. I knew this was temporary but I found myself needing to take a break from life, from people, from the chatter.

I would love to say that I took some amazing vacations, long walks on the beach and spent my days at swanky coffee shops writing my book but in reality I spent my time at the Jewell house healing and trying to unfreeze my brain and my body. I felt frozen. Stuck in time. I was lost and I did not know how to take the next step in the right direction. So I didn’t. I decided to be gentle to myself when others were not.

I needed some time to pick myself up and build back my self confidence, but first I had to figure out what I wanted next. Going through a difficult breakup while simultaneously losing your job was one of the most difficult phases of my life. It felt like the foundation of my being was shattered.

The person I trusted ended up hurting me in a way that made me view relationships in a completely different way. Which is a good thing, as I learned from this experience. Life is funny that way. It is not always tied up in a pretty bow. Sometimes it’s ugly and difficult and it hurts intensely. So intense that you start doubting yourself. Doubting your place on earth and your purpose. But the sun rises everyday and that is the greatest gift that God gave us. A new day is a new beginning.

I had to feel the pain, the hurt and the sorrow in order to process. Losing my job out of the blue hit a cord. The Jewell porch was my perch most of the summer while I reflected, relaxed and rejuvenated. I found solace in watching sunsets, observing life from afar as people walked their dogs, and found comfort in hearing the birds chirp before night fell. I had many conversations on that porch with my incredible and supportive son and some pretty amazing friends. These are the people who make my world go round. Who show up even when life gets messy. However, I still had to answer to myself and make some decisions about my future, but I felt paralyzed. So I dove into some long awaited projects on the Jewell house.

I had a long list, so it was the perfect time to start chipping away at it. In doing so, I was learning new skills while finding my voice and falling in love with the house over and over again. In essence, this house saved me this year. It gave me a safe space to lay my head at night while I healed my broken heart. It gave me a sense of purpose, something to focus on while I allowed life to fall into place as it was meant to. I started trusting the process. And that is how I am wrapping up 2024. Not in a big red bow kind of way, but putting all my doubts aside and getting excited about me again and my future.

Grieving my past relationship and the loss of my job was essential in order for me to get back to living. Some years are not big years but they are big lessons and now it’s up to me to continue to honor myself and show up for life even when it’s tough. I know there is a great big life out there for me and I plan on continuing to build it with the help of my friends, my family and Jewell.